The Peanut Man Done It

News about that Georgia peanut factory scandal is just getting worse. Salmonella is serious. Who wants roach parts and rat stuff in their peanut butter? (Certainly gives a new meaning to "extra crunchy.")

I don't wanna be an I-told-you-so, but I buy organic peanut butter. Sometimes I even go to that little machine thingy they have set up in produce where you grind your own peanuts. Anything to avoid seeing that...Peanut Man on a label.

I mean, since I was a kid, I knew he had the creep factor going on. Look at that lascivious grin, and he's wearing a monocle for God's sake. Sabotaging the competitor's vat of peanuts? Clearly he'd be up to such a task. They don't call him a goober for nothing.

And speaking of lascivious. That Nasonex bee is pure smarmy. Not like REAL bees: industrious creatures who enjoy rolling around petals like sultans in silk and scooping up stickly pollen with their tiny bucket knee caps. This is a CORPORATE drone, a lecherous bee with, for some reason, a Latin accent--but instead of Corinthian leather, he purrs on about allergies, and he has this weird segmented, pulsating body. Don't look too closely at the shape of that Nasonex container either.

Wouldn't be surprised to see these two on the next Catch a Predator.